I have to do this so that I can do that… Yada yada yada…
I want to do this, I need to do that… I wish I could, I hope I can, I want… I want… I want…
Okay, there’s a conflict with the words “I want” as some will agree and others disagree; whichever side of the fence you’re on is quite fine by me in all honestly but the bottom line is our wants are actually important and should be heard.
I’m talking about our desires, goals, ambitions, hopes, longings, the things that have been pressed on our hearts and casted into our dreams. The wanting of a better life for your children, the wanting of a better career that means something to you, the wanting of promoting a message that is instilled into your heart. Wants are good. Wants should be pursued and not laid to rest or put aside with our long endless lists of “Life’s Priorities” of course those lists are important and shouldn’t be neglected; but make room for your desires and make room for your goals to become a reality.
I’ve longed for a change in my life for years now. To go to school, to donate to a charity that means something to me, to write a book, to quit smoking, to eat healthier, work out, make my children’s memories happy and filled with laughter, to find love, to love myself more.
I’ve always had wants, and those are just a few of them…and some of them I do my very best to ensure happens no matter how hard or how trivial they may seem to someone else. My own personal wants are my own personal desires and they are what helps create who I am. My wants were placed on my own heart for a purpose and a reason. To choose to turn my back on my wants is to take away from who I am as an individual.
Take away the titles of Mom, wife/girlfriend, f friend, colleague, daughter, sister, granddaughter… Those are titles important as they are and as fulfilling as they can be and as happy joyous fun everlasting love that you can feel with having such a title “if earned” or “granted” or “blessed with” they do not make up who you are as an individual.
I was created for a purpose. I was given strengths, talents, weaknesses, challenges, experiences, life lessons, choices, opportunities and people placed in my life specifically who could endure my many trials and tribulations and keep up with my constant ups and downs as many as they are for a purpose. Me as an individual is not defined by which title I wear or which want I choose to pursue or what list of responsibilities I have to perform. ME as an individual is defined by myself and myself alone. No one can define who I am, no one can tell me which direction to take in life, no one can make me feel any less confident or sad unless I grant them that power to do so. When did I realize this? I’ve always known it, but have never had the capability to zone in on it. Until now..
I have specific wants and desires that cling to my very soul since I was a child. How could I refuse those now knowing what I know? I have the power to make my wants a reality. How? I downsize my lists of have to(s), can do(s)need to do(s), and I make time for my own want to(s). In doing so I have to tread carefully though. I want to ensure I’m successful in pursuing my desires and getting those I love on board with supporting me as I go along. That means compromise. I won’t neglect my daily responsibilities or make anyone feel taken advantage of or force my ideas on anyone whose not willing to hear them or care about them at all. I simply make the time for me and make the effort to showcase and promote myself individually in positive decisive moves that leaves everyone including myself feeling good about it. After all, my wants and desires simply stated, are to create a peaceful and harmonious place for those who struggle to find comfort in ordinary things and those who seek answers that just aren’t to be found a place to gather and be heard without judgment.
I’m weird, I’m different and I have many shades of me who come out at different intervals and periods in life. This doesn’t mean I don’t know who I am; it means I accept who I am and I will continue to find balance within myself and finally pursue those wants that I hold dear to my heart. If I don’t go after them, someone else just might.